Frustration: A Cautionary Tale

I am frustrated. I am short on time, short on sleep, and short on patience. As a working mom to a four year old and a two month old, who gets not a moment to rest, I find my nerves wearing thin at the slightest provocation. The last few weeks have been trying at best. I am getting three hours of sleep on a good night and yet the work never ends. I am frustrated, and my frustration comes out not just through my written words, not just through my body language, but also through the tone of voice and choice of verbiage I use when talking with my business partners, my family, and my friends.

I noticed the frustration in my voice a few days ago. I traveled with my family to Chicago, driving with the kids in the backseat, screaming and crying, and my husband and I had a heart to heart about what we could do to help us both overcome the frustration. I said that I wanted to start running again, but I simply don't have the time. He said that he would like to read more and had hoped that when he chose to be a college professor he would have summers to study and grow, but now that he is writing book number four, he hasn't the time either. We were at a crossroads and felt that we were doomed to feel this frustration forever.

After much though, it occurred to us that it is not the cause of the frustration that needs to be altered, but our reactions to it. I had taken snapping at my family and letting my temper spill over into my work life, which was not helping anyone; least of all me. Why then, would I continue on the same path? Why keep behaving in the same manner if nothing positive was coming from it? That's when I decided to take a deep breath and not internalize the frustration, but to communicate it.

This is where language is vital. Whether I am speaking to my eight-week old daughter or to a prospective business partner, the words I choose have meaning and depth. By using the first words that come to my mind, I may be performing a grave disservice to myself and to everyone else. Instead of rolling my eyes at my daughter and saying, "I don't know what's wrong! Stop screaming!" I instead say, "This is frustrating for me, because I don't know what's wrong, but I am here for you and we will work through this together." Believe it or not, this works for me. I literally feel the frustration slipping away when I use calm, meaningful words to communicate. And when I really assess how I feel, and share the root of my frustration, the words are carried by the air and the problem seems to have less weight. Believe it or not, this can translate into any type of communication. A client or business colleague who is frustrating because they are asking too much, they don't understand you, or if you are simply having a bad day and are projecting on them, can be given a great gift simply by hearing what you are truly thinking and feeling - so long as your words are chosen carefully and precisely. Frustration does not have to be a way of life.